PROCESSING GRIEF 3
The second stage is denial. Denial serves to remain in the illusion that nothing has happened and everything will return as before. But obviously this is not the case. Denial then is the second defense mechanism that helps to take the time to be able to better face the loss.
Third stage: substitution. At times the reaction to loss is a quick replacement of the lost one believing everything can return to normal. Unfortunately, avoiding grief is impossible and those that do it are destined to pay an even higher price later.
My twitter account @Albisetti
Oh… I was forgetting… I have begun to tweet… if you want to follow me @Albisetti
PROCESSING GRIEF 2
On the other hand, if you don’t process the grief, you will lose the meaning of life. You enter into a psychospiritual neurosis in which you lose the desire to live. You fall into existential boredom, interior emptiness, depression, up to letting yourself die. Processing grief does not mean forgetting, but rather giving a different meaning to reality– the people or things, that have become precious to us. There are various stages, moments, in this process, which is also a natural one because it comes in a spontaneous way once you decide to not remain attached to the past, a temporary process because the grief progressively disappears until you reach a new psycho-spiritual equilibrium. I have to add here too that it is good if you can share your grief with someone you trust.
First moment: the trauma
Trauma is a type of strike, a shock that disorients, paralyzes perception, freezes affection. All of this becomes beneficial for the grieving person because it gives them the time necessary to reduce suffering and to realize the inevitable, to metabolize the loss slowly.
PROCESSING GRIEF 1
I’ve received requests from your messages to deepen the topic of grief after a separation… I’ll try to do that in a few posts.
Each passage in our psychospiritual journey begins with the end of an era. If we remain attached to a person or to a time, we won’t be able to go forward on the journey and we will stay imprisoned in illusion and dreams and we become sterile from the psychspiritual point of view. Before entering into the new we have to let go of the past, provoking change not only outside of ourselves but above all inside, in our souls. If we don’t process our grief, if we remain tied to painful memories, we won’t be able to go forward, we won’t fulfill our plans. If we want to live we have to have the courage to let the past go, to let die that which is no longer. If we want to be able to be born again. If we want to go deep inside ourselves to be able to be ready to undertake the mission for which we came to this earth. It’s a law we cannot escape. We can be reborn only if we have the courage to die.
RUN THE RISK OF BELIEVING IN OURSELVES
Once we have understood that the world is essentially good, we have to thank God for having letting us be born. And so dear readers the moment has come to believe in ourselves. The moment has come to follow our vocations. At a certain point of our existence we must run the risk of believing in ourselves. To reclaim our deepest aspirations and try to fulfill them, cost what it may, beyond money, success or fame. To accept the unpredictability of life, to understand that true obstacles are not found outside of ourselves, but often end up being us. We fall into the traps of power, money, or sex because we live them as solutions, as compensation for our feelings of unworthiness and limitation, because we have lost the meaning of our kingly dignity as children of God. In life we desparately try to not be forgotten, to not be abandoned. Often we are in relationships deluding ourselves that we feel loved. We turn to psychology for the answers. But it’s all in vain. It’s all ephemeral and limited. We have forgotten that God has loved us from forever, since before we were born, that God wanted our birth to give us a last chance to grow. We have forgotten that God knows each of us, even the exact number of hairs on our head. Let’s remember this.
EVIL
When someone is the object of another’s neurosis, or on other words whey they become the projection, that person is not seen in their true identity, because the evil one does not want to see the person for what that person is, for what that person wants to be. When people project their experiences onto others they don’t want them to live–in their diversity, complexity, autonomy, or authenticity. Inside itself the evil person erases the identity of the other. Only like this, not knowing and negating the person, can evil see in the other what it wants–its own ghosts, demons, and perversions. Neurosis, under the form of evil, not only hinders us from truly knowing others in their uniqueness and irrepeatability, not only hinders a true friendship with the other, but transforms –in its crazy mind– the other into its own image and likeness. “You are what I want you to be.” Neurosis, like evil, wants to destroy life and goodness and passion and vocation. Because it envies them. Because it cannot possess them. (Taken from LIBERI DI AMARI due out this spring in Italian bookstores.)
VOCATION
Reading your emails and comments on the blog and Facebook, I understand that the posts on vocation or mission require some deepening, even if these high-tech methods don’t allow us to treat the issue in an exhaustive way. For this reason I recommend my next book, due out in the Spring and published by the Paulines, entitled, “FREE TO LOVE.” In this book I have gathered passages from some of my other books on this theme. I begin with this post and maybe then some others on the “shadow” of our personality.
First of all, I must say that if you fulfill your vocation you feel the world as friend, as if powerful energy fields were helping you. Deep down, to fulfill your vocation means participating in the permanent work of the creation of the universe. You enter into a plan of universal intelligence and wisdom, the plan of Providence. Whenever you develop your talents, God is with you. Talents, gifts, are given by God to each of us. For this God has made us unique and unrepeatable. Each of us is called to live with our own originality and in freedom, as opposed to other animals and plants that obey instinct. And besides, when a person is called to a vocation, only that person can fulfill it. This is why knowing and following your vocation is fundamentally important. The knowledge of your vocation does not come with a crash like some characters in the Bible. In reality, our vocation awaits us, no one excluded, maybe in the silence of a book, in a meeting, in the words of a friend, but also an experience of sickness or suffering, in a dismissal from work, or an accident. The revealing of a vocation can come from wherever. I am ever more convinced that it’s our vocation that chooses us. We then are free to accept and follow it, or not. Free to live, free to die. Certainly factual and concrete things reveal our vocation to us, but also thoughts, states of mind, or reflections that connect various experiences–all of these make your vocation appear clearly, as if a mysterious design has lead you to it. (exclusive excerpt from “FREE TO LOVE” (LIBERI D’AMARE ed. Paoline) only on valerioalbisetti.it
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